What's the worst / best (delete where applicable) that could happen?

I'm just taking on Brad Pitt's words from Inglorious Basterds as my new motto.

"Yeah I been chewed out before."

I don't think people can surprise me anymore. I've had or read the majority of complaints the public have had at my job. Occassionally concerning me. And right now I have a twinging sensation that another is on the way.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, "What's the worst that could happen?"

It's been an exhausting week. Friday is my Monday if you didn't know. And I'm starting my week off cosily in bed with my writing device. Soon there will be Irish Tea and radio.

I'm completely off work today. And I need go regather myself as I'm expecting work to be exceptionally busy. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 is out. And if classic gloomy May Day weather turns up, my workplace (a cinema) will run riot.

It will be on we few to keep such order.

Not sure what else to tell you.

I like cereal. I panicked about the future throughout the week. There were too many cookies yesterday.

I wonder if I should start asking, "What's the best that could happen?"

Futureheaded

This week has been full of posing questions concerning the future. I'm not adverse to the future. I'm still learning to focus on it more than the past.

Occassionally I even look at my horoscope.

But I've also tried hard to be present in the... Present. Considering life passes by and politicians are playing with upcoming scenarios, the present appears the best place to be.

Today (Friday) I'll be answering these questions on the future. There may even be a practical approach. I suppose I need a challenge.

At the same time I'm rather glad I don't have high responsibilities. Blame is not fired my way. Free time is precious. And I may not have as much money as I did two years ago, but I have more time to unwind and enjoy what time is currently existing.

Though am quite busy this weekend now that I see my schedule. I have made time for Doctor Who. Last week's episode got me back on track with the series.

And sleep. Sleep is beautiful.

My only fear of stepping up to approaching challenges is that I will spend the rest of my life sleeping. I've been getting exhausted more than is normal. Possibly because my diet involves more chocolate now. The sugar rush runs before my brain and belly edge towards 'Shut Down'.

So one must be careful with diet. Berries must be consulted more often. Especially if the oncoming challenges are accepted.

Should I be scared? If anything I should be trained. Training taking place in the present, so tasks can be handled in the future.

But if the future could take its time in getting here, that would be a superb advantage.

Easter Weekend

I suspect it will rain this Easter weekend. A shame. I often remember exceptionally sunny Easters. Even in my twenties a weekend at Easter could seem longer than the entire summer holiday from school or university.

But that's fine by me. This gives me an excuse to busy myself around the household. Maybe if I leave BBCRadio4 on I'll absorb the knowledge and well treated voices it plays out.

I gave up chocolate for Lent. You can imagine my joy at having it soon return to my diet this Sunday. This didn't stop me from turning to other sugared items. But it did help me to save money. Some people (like myself) buy chocolate as others could cigarettes.

Considering I have put on weight in the past year, the giving up of chocolate could serve me well. I've enjoyed my new found freedom without having the pressures of two jobs. One side of this is my active (and stress) levels have fallen. There are several garments in my walk-in wardrobe (spare bed-room) that no longer fit me. Buttons bulge. Shirts stretch. Although people have commented on how much better I'm looking with a fuller figure. One has to look on the brighter side.

But chocolate will be once again be in front of me. Perhaps I should borrow my parent's VHS copy (I still have a video player) of Chocolat. Or reread Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. And binge the entire collection of chocolate I've been keeping in my cupboard for breakfast.

Make a real day of it.

I just hope you enjoy Easter as much as I think I will. I have films and reading and walks to catch up on. I'm even going to give Doctor Who another try. Because I remember the excitement I had during the Easter weekend, knowing that the TARDIS was to send us off on fun adventures with clueless aliens.

And one got the weekend off. This is unusual. Working in a cinema during holiday period whilst a large blockbuster film (The Fate of the Furious if you need to know) has been released generally means your weekend doesn't exist.

If I wasn't busy this evening I would go through The Passion of the Christ.

Or Monty Python's Life of Brian.

Whichever one I think will be more beneficial towards society.

Valentine's Day approaches. Maybe my position will also.

Am now the proud owner of a tiny DAB Radio Alarm Clock.  This could either be the start of waking up and being fruitful with my interests.  Or be the cause of many relaxed mornings as BBC6Music rolls out around Jeffrey (cuddly toy dog) and I.

Currently typing this in Belfast's Central Library.  I've stated many times in my life how important such places are.  The books that surround me as I write set up the perfect background.  I wonder how much time I'll have to free up in order to get through all these tasty volumes.  As well as the many piles I've got at home.

February has arrived.  In 2017.  A decade ago I was heading to University.  And I'm not sure I've got any clearer indication on what I'm doing with my life since then.  But I'm glad to say I no longer stress or worry about such.  As long as I'm working - within a job and upon my own development and view of my place upon the world - do I really need a defining position in the world?

Take Donald Trump for example.  I'm getting the impression that he's not enjoying the job of President of the United States.  Certainly getting the position is an achievement.  And beforehand the job sounds highly prestigious and beneficial.  But his running for the position reminded me of US teen comedies and dramas.  The type where plotlines follow certain students in high schools who run for Class President or some such accolade.

It all sounds glamorous and impressive and astounding.

For Trump I am getting the impression (and occasionally, fear) that he is discovering how complex the job is.  He has the ultimate position in the world.  Yet I think he's no more clearer on what he wants to bring to the world than he did during his bankruptcy days.

I'm simplifying this scenario.  I'm sure there are moments in the job he is enjoying.  Like loosing his temper every so often.

Then again, he's trying new things.  Which I suppose should be applauded.

Even if his actions are causing major stress globally.

As noted before in a previous blog post, one is continuing the frugal living.  But it's great.  One is rereading George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire.  In bitesize chapters of course.  The last time I read it I was trying to take it in one swallow.  And I couldn't tell you anything that happened within those pages.  Now however - one chapter at a time, one is being exposed to the mysterious and murderous goings on of Westeros beautifully.

Then I dose it with Stephen King.  I pulled out Haruki Murakami's Norwegian Wood considering it is Valentine's Day in the next week.  It's probably the only novel concerning Romance in my collection.  Maybe Wuthering Heights.  Am always up for bizarre twisted relationships.

And if you work in a cinema like I do, you see how strange and scary some relationships can be.

That's why for this Valentine's Day I'm planning, straight after work; a glass of red wine and Marilyn Manson's latest album entitled Say10.  If it's released.  He has stated it would be release day.  But so far no album tracklist or art work has been released.  If in the end it isn't, then a rewatch of James Whale's classic The Bride of Frankenstein will be in order.

I wonder if Donald Trump will embrace the day with a message of love and understanding?  Surely as a World Leader it would be a small responsibility or courtesy,  That would maybe steer him in the direction of global favoritism.

But more likely ridicule.

From the most surprising of Voices

Within the next three weeks we will no doubt be indated with lists, recaps, shows, articles and archives of 2016.  

And how disastrous it has been.

So this is probably my attempt to get ahead before everyone else.

Life is, among other things, about learning.

In my life I have learnt my tougher (and more favourite) lessons after hardship.

This year I have faced a crash in finances due to leaving one of my two jobs.  But this has only fueled my love of what's free in life.  Libraries are a Godsend.  Am currently writing this blog in the top level of Belfast's Central library.  It's warm.  Quiet.  Surrounded by Irish Heritage and Music.  Which I promise myself to dive into once I reach the new year.  There will always be a book available to enjoy here.

With less finances I had to eliminate Virgin Media.  Another Godsend - because replay television could easily sap my reading time.  Now I have the BBC - and thanks to BBC iPlayer I always feel better about my TV Licence Fee.  Sure the BBC don't always get it right.  But they try to supply entertainment and education for all demographs.  And then this leads to BBC Radio.  This list could go on.

What I'm trying to write here is that my finances may have collapsed, but my world has opened up.

One has also only learned that I'm going to be a lot more centered on myself.

Have recently just returned from New York with my mother.  She hasn't had a holiday in nigh on thirty years.  Maybe the odd weekend away but nothing major.  So when I told her I would love to see New York and asked if she'd like to join, she jumped at the chance.

But once there she found the entire city overwhelming.  And soon enough I discovered that this was no longer my trip to New York, but hers.  Which was fine for me once I accepted this fact. But as much as I tried to be useful to my mother's needs, it was hard.  Not difficult, but hard enough.  Because I then had to sacrifice any of my interests to ensure she was catered for.

Once I returned to Belfast I found myself thinking about what I wanted for my life.  For too long I have been set about making sure other people are happy.  And sometimes when you're not successful, you wonder if trying to do the right thing is worth it.

This is by no means a way of becoming selfish.  But I do owe it to myself to be honest, genuine and loyal to my own dreams.

But my biggest lesson this year wasn't actually to do directly with me.

Brexit has become the most talked about political event in the UK in my lifetime.  Normally in the past elections are held, parties get in and by Christmas we're all happy to accept a new year of turmoil.

This year feels different.  Only yesterday was it announced that Article 50 would be certainly triggered in March.  For a lot of us in the UK who wanted to Remain within the EU, this Christmas will feel surreal.  I guarantee certain folk are still not happy with their families who disagreed with them.  More than likely younger generations who feel betrayed by parents or grandparents, according to the known statistics in age groups and their voting patterns. 

Theresa May, the current Prime Minister for the United Kingdom, has strangely been the voice of reason to me.  Earlier this year, before she was to meet with the European Council, she stated, "the British people have made a decision and it's right and proper than the decision is honoured".

In reference to the EU Referendum I disagree.  I know for a fact that a number of people regretted voting 'Leave' and another number of people who didn't voted now regretted not doing so.  Our voice is usually now put on low.

But in the timeline of my learning, this statement served as a lesson for something else.

No doubt anyone who knows me knows of the (probably boring) tales of my "lovelife".  Usually I parallel them into my own fantasy tales to give them more spice.  I usually as the hero.

I have fallen in love, unrequitedly, three times between the ages of eighteen to thirty.  And after each time I beat myself up about it.

What did I do wrong?

What's wrong with me?

Why can't I have them?

Many other questions appear.  All of which help me to be self-deprecating.

But after Brexit this year I have also learnt that to the ones I have fallen for, they did not choose to fall for me back.  In the more stronger cases they chose to lead me on.  Which is wrong.  However - it was their choice to do that.  I although I don't honour their decision, I do have to accept it.

And learn from it.

From my family, my friends, the people who used to be my friends and those who I may have had an eye on in terms of affection - whatever their choice in life in how they treat me and how they live; I have to accept it.

But here's the rub.

Whatever I choose to do with my life, also has to be accepted by them.

For far too long I have wanted to do certain things but was held back because I felt it would disappoint or arouse suspicion.  And looking at it now, I feel that I could do much more with my life if I didn't have such restrictive means of living.  Granted not everyone will like what I do - but I guarantee I won't do anything illegal.  And I as long as I keep consideration in mind for other people.  I said I was going to be more centered.  Not selfish.

I will be updating this blog more often.  So no doubt I will tell of my Christmas tree and Bibliography and, possibly the weather if my life gets very dull.  But I will also be thinking of myself, what I wanted to have in life and even possibly making a stab at going for it.  It's up to me.  And I have to make the right choices.

If I make the wrong ones I'll learn from it.

If I make the right ones I'll gain from it.

I will make them however.  And that's how I respect myself.