Squeak + Bubble = Not as much discomfort as spilt Coffee

Café's in Leicester, other than the chains such as Starbucks or Costa Coffee, are rarely tread upon by me. So it was a delicious and comforting notion of visiting one with Liam earlier on a Saturday afternoon. A brunch fit for a student who has reached the end of his finances.

Wonderful though it was, I'm learning that I'm not as cultured in food stuffs as yet. Two vegetarian sausages, two free range eggs, baked beans (they're a distant memory for me), two slices of toast, two hashbrowns and something else...

'If it's on the plate Liam,' I said, 'I eat it'.

Looking at the menu, I discovered what it was.

A Bubble + Squeak. Now I had heard of this, and now I had actually had one. Supposedly it's to create a bubbled feeling in one's gut that will soon give a squeak here and there in the form of a belch. I'm not great at belching. It wasn't until around 6.30pm I felt that my tummy might give some firm reaction to the dreaded effects.

I pushed through. A trip to the cinema, some free chocolates and the new Doctor Who were suitable distractions.

Nestlé. A company lined with a degree of corruption. So I stayed clear. Have done for around five years. So when I see that KitKat has the Fairtrade logo printed on the packet, I manage to convince myself to purchase some of their products.

Of late - Smarties Mini Eggs. A pleasure discovering that Orange Smarties contain Orange chocolate.

However, walking through the main shopping centre in Leicester, I see the Carte Noire Readers. A huge stall (by Shopping Mall stall standards) that give out free coffee and provide readings. Of books that everyone had to do in English Literature at GCSE level or higher. Bugger.

'Have you got a website?' I asked. 'I could volunteer to read.'
'We're using professional actors,' said the girl.
My head full of scorn. Professional actors? So they dress up as characters and parade around thinking this will lift them up for another BBC production. They could get me in to read pieces much better than Austen. Not necessarily my own work, though Ii wouldn't deny it to them. They'd only have themselves to blame if they let that happen.

It was here I noticed the majority of people sitting in this stall were older ladies. The ones I've come across many times, who pick up the latest no.1 seller because it's now a film and think themselves cultured.

Hollywood Wives - that's the phrase.
I'm a judgemental sod, aren't I?

What Carte Noire don't realise is that women of that age love a bit of filth. Some slap and tickle. Sodomy on the rocks and grassy stains on skin. Not much can be done with clothes on.

So I take my coffee in a paper cup so thin that my hand is scolded.
'Just give me a second,' I say to Liam. 'I'll get my glove out.'

Now because this shopping mall thinks themselves as quirky (despite being as generic as the other shopping malls in the country, thereby robbing more of the uniqueness of the city) they have these benches that are like glass blower's oblong joke. So I set my coffee upon it, paid attention to my glove, only to find this hot feeling on my left foot and a mess of coffee before me.

I hastily pick up the coffee cup and set back onto the bench - only to have it fall again. 'For feck sake,' I say outloud, not giving a damn if children are near me.

Quickly I rush to the bathroom to drench my left Converse shoe in water. Dry it. Drench it. Dry it. Tip it and empty it of water (and excess material). Dry it. Place back on foot. Pretend none of this has happened.

Maybe it's my comeback for not supporting Nestlé for so long. I did in 2007 when I was in the middle of a Peruvian desert. And last year when Odeon cinema had nothing else to provide but white chocolate. Or maybe a warning against what could happen if I do start purchasing such products from the store. The Lord works in mysterious ways. Especially when it comes to certain ethics.

Earlier I mentioned free chocolates. All Things Chocolate was our next destination. And the shock of Milkshakes not available was less than the shock of All Things Chocolate closing.

'They just told us by surprise,' said the girl behind the counter.

'Shit,' I said. 'What kinda game are they playing at?'

'I know.'

'They sound like absolute feckin' ejits,' I continued.

'Yeah. The Shopping Mall have doubled their rates. This place can't do it.'

'The higher powers are usually bastards.'

'Totally. But we were only just told.'

'Awk darling.'

In between all this Liam shows his sympathy and distress of where a good MilkShake is going to be available.

'So what can I get you?'

'I was going to have a hot chocolate, but I can have a hot chocolate and one of every loose chocolate. Seeing as I'm not getting another chance.'

'Give them to him for free,' whispered the other girl employee.

'A final one fingered salute to this place?' I asked.

'Yeah.'

'I hope it works out well,' I said. 'Best of luck to you.'

Quite sweet (no pun intended, what with chocolate being involved) of them, as this girl gave a friendly wave to Liam and I as she passed out of the store from her last shift.

Ethics are difficult to keep to. And when you find the higher power screwing the smaller people, they can't be expected not to react and maybe even sacrifice what their ethics might be. No matter how important they are to them.