Should I shed a tear?

Due to excessive research into the job market, my conclusion has been to return to my native Belfast a month earlier. So this has been my last Saturday in Leicester with my time at De Montfort University. As I type, my mind is trying to throw all those images and memories of laughter, disappointment, anger, fun, sentimentality and whatever else I experienced here.

Now I've had one drink at around 8.00pm. So maybe that's hitting my head. But it's past midnight now. And these thoughts have been with me throughout my stay here. Questions of what could have happened and did I take every opportunity are playing. Of course I didn't monopolise every chance I could have had. And what happened did work out for the best.

However I know I always did what I thought was the right thing. That at least keeps me content, knowing I can at least do that. Some people would consider that nobility and pride-swallowing are signs of weakness. To a degree, they're right. However, do they have the strength to do it? And do they get the same results that I do? Where hatred isn't kept and a chance for looking at my life is more important. Not too sure how relevant, but as Roosevelt said, 'It's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness'.

There are things I wish I had. A relationship at times would be nice, knowing that they are in the realms of possibility for others. Why not me? I'm a good person, I'm smart, caring, loving, hard working...I could rhyme off all my good traits, and bad, and it still won't get me closer to what I believe I deserve. Terry Pratchett wrote words to this effect; that people don't get what they want, or what they deserve; they get what they're given.

I could place this train of thought on the fact that it's my last week in Leicester. I've learnt a lot here. My interest and skills in writing have improved and I'm a lot more aware of people's surroundings, knowing that different backgrounds and personalities face all sorts of things.

So if I shed a tear, don't be surprised. I've had a lot go on. And I've stayed true to myself. In a world where being the most beautiful person around, having a steady relationship, being successful in your job and finances seem to account for nearly everything, it's the comforting thoughts that I have to ensure I know I have a degree of value in the world.