A Tired Life Leads to More Dreams

Where I've spent the greater part of my spare time in cinemas and cafés, don't you think it's interesting that I now work for them. This week I start my new job in an Odeon cinema. Perfect. Meeting film buffs, getting to help them see films, aiding them with their munchies, shouting at kids who don't shut up during films...I'm quite looking forward to it.

This for me is the stuff dreams are made of. Where my household holds no magic, unless produced by myself, I now get to tire myself out by working in places I love.

However, I didn't get up this morning until just before 1pm. This week has been pretty heavy on me concerning work. Church will have to do without me. I feel selfish. But I also feel tired. The latter won.

Within the next year I'll be in a place of my own. Where my plushie of L and I can hang, watch films, read book...and have Peppermint Creams after dinner on Sundays.

Unchanging Childhood

'There's thirty six of them,' said the little boy.

I looked at the sachets he had in front of him. All laid out, set into their groups.

Ketchup. Brown Sauce. Vinegar.

'Ohh? You counted them?' I asked.

'Yeah.'

'Even the salt ones?'

The small salt sachets were lined at the edge of the table.

'Yeah,' and the little boy smiled.

'But what happens if you press them too tightly?'

'They go splurge.'

'Do they?'

'Yeah! You squeeze them and they all go up.'

'And they'll be messy.'

'They all go intogether.'

'Yes. They become a big Sauce Cloud.'

'Yeah!'

'And the Sauce Cloud starts to rain salt.'

'Like a Dust Cloud?'

'Well...a Dust Cloud would be dangerous.'

'It would go into your eyes. You wouldn't see anything.'

'No. No you wouldn't.'

'You'd be walking around like this.' Here the boy tightened his eyes and started reaching out, moving his arms about, making them search through the air.

'And everyone else would be as well,' I said. 'Let's hope we don't get a Dust Cloud then. A Sauce Cloud would be so much better.'

'Yaay! I can have chips with it.'

Last night I ended up watching The Life and Death of Peter Sellers. There was a moment towards the end where Mr Sellers is filming his penultimate film Being There. One line spoke struck me.

'You're always gonna be a little boy...'

Often I'm criticised for being a 'big kid'. That I prefer watching cartoons to repeated 'comedies' on Sky channels. That I have a small plushie dog toy on my bed. That I read children's stories because their easier on my head that literary fiction. The adult world is crazy and nasty...at least with being a child I can distinguish between right and wrong much more easily. Not to mention that the world is coated in much more sugar.

Every day I walk out off my house and I see the same sight.

Or do I?

Everyone else saw the old lady across the street throwing bread to the birds from her apartment landing.

I saw a number of seagulls crying and screaming for their lives as chucks of bakery products where falling upon them.

So for someone who has been shown a world where I can drink, attempt to seek out sex, dabble in music and flirting and where drama is rampant, I say, 'I'm always going to be a little boy.' That way I can probably be counted as 'crazy' in this highly structured and normal world.

Tiffin

Tiffin. I'll spend whatever money I have left on Tiffin. The move getting up from my seat, walking to the store will be enough to take of around 4% of the calories a bar of Tiffin will provide.

My Funny (and not 'Funny haha') Friday Feeling

Friday. The day of hope, excitement, smiles and a feeling that Cadbury's felt they had captured within their own Crunchie bar.

If my feeling was placed in any candy today, it'd be sold in a discount store and would have been out of date for several months. However...

Even now I'm getting delightful shivers up my spine. A person, behind a counter, gave a me a little word to dwell in. Where headlines everywhere seem to point to limited possibilities and probably total damnation for students and graduates, it was a comfort to know that another person recognises this. Instead of standing at the side and tutting, 'Isn't it awful?' this one lady, a bank clerk said to me something that helped.

'All you need is an idea,' she said when I told her there's a desire to sit at home and write my novel, instead of trying too hard to earn a wage. With all the books I've read, people often think I'm held within my own dream world. Instead I believe I have a firmer grasp of reality than I should. And because of this, I'm motivated to try to earn a wage. Fear of falling into a stronger debt runs through me, seeing that I don't want to be in a tight situation at any time. Could this lead to me not spending anything forever? Most likely.

Trying to value the small things in life isn't just a necessity in difficult times, to keep hope in view, but it's a skill. To keep the ball going, to keep focus strong, to keep a head above water is something that needs extraordinary patience and knowledge.

One could even risk placing it on a CV if they manage it well enough.

Brains, Age, Strength - it's useless if you're not pretty

It's a month after I've left the student lifestyle. Late Sundays with coffee, reading in the sun (if there was any), getting through DVDs I've watched before, but need the mind numbing effect of pretty visuals.

At home in Belfast, I'm expected to attend church. Well, 'expected' may seem a strong word. In the past I would have been 'expected', but now I do what I choose. I'm holding down two jobs at the moment. To make this transition of being relaxed all the time to constantly working, I'm feeling drained. Yet because of my body clock within my Belfast home, I find myself up each morning at around 9am. This morning, I found myself watching a Studio Ghibli film. The second Sunday in a row I've done this. Could Studio Ghibli provide more spiritual awareness than church does? Last week was the appropriately titled Spirited Away. This week was probably the best non Miyazaki film, Pom Poko. When I first watched it last year, my family were giving me a tough time. After dealing with getting over someone who I thought liked me, Studio Ghibli's colours and unusual stories helped give my imagination some hope.

Apparently Pom Poko was released during a recession in Japan. Surely there may have been some relevance that we in the UK could take - but at its core it deals with getting back to the countryside. This is Northern Ireland. I believe the countryside has to stay by law to ensure it's still Northern Ireland.

Last night was a trip to the cinema to see Eclipse. Not bad, however I may reserve myself for the next instalment at home. It felt like watching some fantasy version of Jerry Springer, where each and every time one of the good looking guys appears, many 'whoooos' and swooning was to happen. There was much applauding when the main Edward Cullen character defeated the female villain. I don't remember Dumbledore getting an applause when banishing an army of Inferi. I don't recall Gandalf getting any shouts when he sent a Balrog down. One wishes to pitch this vegetarian vampire against these types and see how he fairs. Although, he's in love with the main character, so maybe that unleashes some super strength.

Maybe with my own experience, it's just a nuisance that the pretty ones get more praise than those with a few brains. Something both church and Studio Ghibli have been good with. Except Howl, he's gorgeous.