The Show is Going on.

Within the past two days I've accomplished a lot.  And not putting down a rigid schedule has been part of the reason.  In the past I felt I had to place down an active life just to ward off people who made me feel complacent.  Now I just have to say, "No," if I don't want to.  However I have found I am genuinely busy these days.  Even for someone who is unemployed.

Speaking of which; I have been applying for jobs.  Two of which have been offered.  Yet I turned them down.  Both were impractical.  I could have been working in the dead of night.  And it's two hours away.  Belfast doesn't have the infrastructure to help transport people to and from this desolate area.

I have not lost heart yet.  If anything the beginning of April has spurred me on to continue looking.  To be more myself.  To not worry about those who moan or wish to create drama.  So many people had their chance with me; and I've put myself down long enough to believe that I had to fight for a place in their lives.

I have myself.

And a huge book collection.

And my own writings to carry on.

I'm alone.  But never lonely.

But I do need to get walking again.  I'm getting out of bed.  Although not always at a reasonable time.  I've had eight weeks were I've not been working.  And similar to lockdown times; my activity is restricted to the household.  Which is a shame considering I have a beautiful park only fifteen minutes away from me.  I can venture further.  Slipping into Botanic Gardens.  Even walking there and its neighbouring street bring back memories of a Belfast in the 90s.  Where students were just trying to have a night at the cinema and local pubs whilst the rest of the city tore itself apart.

At the same time I'm not being hard on myself.  I've done that for too long.  Sometimes I sense others wish me to continue doing so.  I need to be hard at work when it matters, not hard on myself when it doesn't.

Last night I watched Disney+'s Better Nate Than Never.  I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it.  It felt like a Disney Channel Movie but with a clearer agenda.  And production value.  In my experience Disney Channel movies of yesterday (with the exception of High School Musical - the clue is in the title) are ninety minutes of sassy teenagers being given crowbarred-in songs and annoying villains.  This one had a young boy who has an unrivaled love for musical theatre.  He has occasional dreams that take place in a Broadway set.  And it was here I felt that this was't a cost-cutting measure in the way his dreams were being played out; it was a deliberate choice to stick him on a colourful cardboard set.  I was fully charmed by this film.  There were a few digs at the acting profession which I found very funny.  Maybe because of my own experience with dramatic types these jokes felt very accurate.  And it was great to see Lisa Kudrow.  I'm not sure I get to make that 'squee' moment over her considering I detest Friends.  But she was part of Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion and The Opposite of Sex; two blisteringly funny (and sometimes nasty) comedies of the late nineties.  Along with Feel Good she is solidifying her role for LGBTQ+ material.

Today is Saturday.  And as such I have sent one application off, written this blog entry and am about to meet a friend for coffee.  Tonight I will have cheap pizza and a remote control with plenty of options.  None of which I'm scheduling.  I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.