June Afternoon

It's sad that the wondrous Marie Fredriksson has passed away.  For me the first half of the nineties was often soundtracked by Roxette's songs.  It Must Have Been Love would belt out from my parent's first CD player.  And my mother's mouth.  The Look made any activity feel much sassier.  And Almost Unreal (my favourite) always reminds me of my first visit to the cinema on the Dublin Road*.

Yet for nearly every day of this month we can justify June Afternoon.  A song from a time when all seemed possible.  Naturally I fall into nostalgic sways concerning the 90s.  Not least for June; the month that goes on forever at school as pupils anticipate the long summer ahead.  Now because I don't get a large summer holiday; I somewhat extend the vibes into June.  I aimed to get onto doing summery items this week.  Heading to the cinema for blockbusters.  Walks in the park.  Attending gigs.  Playing pool with friends.  Coffee catch-ups.  Day trips to small Northern Irish towns.

And all this I intended to do in the first week of June.  There was coffee with a group I've been meaning to meet with.  A 'Woman's Work' gig is being played at the Oh Yeah! Music Centre in Belfast tonight.  Featuring a couple of friends who are flaunting their oh so good musical talents.  And I even planned a popping to the Strand Cinema in East Belfast.  A cinema at where I always end up in Screen 4.

Yet a positive COVID-test in the household has halted that.  Not me.  I'm perfectly fine.  No symptoms.  So far.  But after all that's gone on in the past two years; and knowing my own ethics; I can't in good conscious head out to various scenarios.  Not to mention that my father is being sent to England this upcoming week for medical procedures.  I don't wish to be responsible for bringing COVID home; stalling his chances of getting the attention he needs.

Tomorrow I should be able to take a test.  If negative, I should be fine with a couple of outdoor activities.  But for today; this June afternoon; I have scones and Alan Cumming's autobiography Stories From A Packed Life.  And tonight I shall carry on with various Pride themed films.  This Pride Month shall have more rainbows about.  I wish I was braver at times speaking about my feelings and being open to those I know will be disapproving.  After so many years of trying to be approved by others; these others have completely shown they have no interest in me.  So why should I be concerned how others see me?  Maybe I'm still learning.  Maybe I'm still aware that I live with my parents.  And maybe I still feel I'm that nineteen year old with the rest of his life ahead of him...and that I need to tread carefully.

But I'm ten times braver now than I was back then.  I don't hide the books I read or movies I watch.  Even if they are LGBTQIA+ related or not.  I no longer feel that air of judgement from others when it comes to me enjoying anything artistic.  For years I would go along with certain opinions just because it would make me feel safer.  And again, a lot of those people are no longer in my life.

As Marie Fredriksson herself would say, "Listen to your heart."

Swedish pop stars are rarely wrong.

*Super Mario Bros.  The Tom and Jerry Movie had stopped its run.  But as a seven year old, Super Mario Bros. was a joy.  I wish Bob Hoskins knew that his pain delivered some pleasure.